What Hitting Rock Bottom Has Taught Me
This week marked the 1st anniversary of when I attempted to take my own life. It has been a mix of emotions for me, sometimes I bawl my eyes out, and other times it brings me joy, but mainly I am thankful for all that it has made me experience. And obviously a whole lot of thankfulness for still being here! That is a huge bonus and I absolutely love how lucky I have been.
This is a story that some people suggest that I keep to myself and definitely something that I shouldn't be sharing through social media or my business platforms.
I thought about it and all the repercussions that it may bring, but it is something I am passionate about and I am not going to hide my story or feel ashamed. Naturally Namoi was created as a space where I can share my story, and let others know they are not alone and that they too can turn their life around, taking back control of their life!
A lot of you know my story by now, so I will be brief. I had always struggled with OCD, depression, and anxiety, but it wasn't until I turned 18 and found the numbing that alcohol can bring, that my life began spiraling out of control. I loved that when I was drinking I became a completely different person, all of my troubles would go away, and my confidence would sky rocket! I had no idea what I was doing subconsciously, I honestly just thought that I was having fun like every other young adult. It wasn't until it lead to violent relationships, alcoholism (would have to have a drink at breakfast to prepare for the day), days without sleep and so much more that I realised there was something pretty serious going on.
My main problem was that I knew something was wrong, but I didn't want to admit it. I thought that if I ignored it and put on a front that it would all go away. This was no help at all and eventually snow balled into me drinking myself into oblivion and attempting to end it all.
I always thought that I was alone, always believed that I was just crazy, and always thought that if I admitted I had this illness and asked for help that would mean that I was weak.
After everything happened and I started to share my story, I found that there were so many people that could relate to what I was going through. Nearly everyone I have talked to can relate to a certain extent. This is what shocked me the most.
Depression, suicide, anxiety, OCD, alcoholism, eating disorders and so much more. We all have suffered, do suffer, or know someone that is suffering from these debilitating diseases. So why is talking about it such a dirty thing to do? Why should we ever feel ashamed of what we have been through, or what we are currently going through? Why should we ever feel like our suffering is something that should be hidden away?
Naturally Namoi is all about building a community for people who need a little support. It is about creating a safe space to know that you will not be judged for anything you are going through. It is about accepting that we are all human, we all hurt. Knowing that we always deserve love and kindness in our lives.
It is my aim that through sharing my story I help spread that it is okay to be human, and that being human means not being perfect. I want to encourage everyone that being themselves is the best thing they could ever do for themselves as well as everyone around them. We are all beautiful and unique. We all have our part to the story and we need to stop being ashamed of ourselves!
I have completely turned my life around and I love being alive every single day! There are a few things that I have learnt that I thought would be nice to share with you.
- IT'S OKAY TO FEEL
In fact the more people that allow themselves to feel the better. Whatever it is that you may be experiencing it's okay to feel it. For a long time I thought that being in a good head space meant that you didn't have any negative emotions. That is one of the BIGGEST LIES out there. We all experience negative emotions, and that's okay. Allow yourself to feel the happy and joyous emotions, and allow yourself to sit with your negative emotions. It is how you react that matters most.
- Asking for help shows your strength!
As I mentioned before, I always thought it would show weakness if I let someone know I was struggling. This is so far from the truth it is unbelievable. Strength is shown when you acknowledge something is wrong and then you take action to help yourself heal.
Healing is one of the hardest journeys I have been on, but always the MOST rewarding thing I have ever done in my life.
This one is a biggy! I realised that before I attempted to take my own life, I never took the time out to appreciate how bloody amazing life actually is. Yeah you might not have all the money, you mightn't have that car that you want, or a flash house, but life is still pretty spectacular! Now when I walk outside I am so thankful for the sun on my skin, I am thankful for birds that wake me up. I am thankful for the storms. Somedays it can be hard to find things to be thankful for, we all have days like that. That is when I take it back to basics. I have a heart that beats no matter how many times it has been hurt, I have lungs that breath for me, I have legs that get me wherever I want to go, I have eyes that see (not well, but good enough. haha), I have ears that hear, arms that allow me to be so independent. When you strip it all back you will find there is so many things that have been taken for granted, but they make life so much better!
- YOU ARE YOUR BIGGEST CRITIC
It took a while for me to notice this, but no one actually cares about what you are doing. Sure, there may be that small group of people that like to talk about your mistakes to make themselves feel better (I feel this shows more about them than it shows about you). But all in all, people are busy living their own lives, working, dealing with their own relationships, trying to figure out how to raise their kids, trying to fit in holidays and simply just trying to get their own lives sorted.
No one actually cares if you have cellulite, or if your clothes aren't from this season, or how much money you make. If they do, then they simply aren't your people. Walk away, you don't need that negativity in your life!
- You decide if you let someone/something affect you.
The power is in your hands. I didn't realise this and only just started putting it into practice until about 6 months ago. The change it has had on my life and my relationships has been amazing. People will say hurtful things, people will make you feel like you are unimportant, people will make you feel like you should be ashamed. That is one persons opinion. And sometimes they are only acting out at you, because they have stuff going on with them. It is up to you if you take this on board and allow it to affect you negatively. Of course there is definitely some great constructive criticism out there. It is up to you to take on board what you believe is true, and leave behind the stuff that makes you feel like you are less than what you are.
You are amazing, you are lovable, and you are deserving of joy 100% of the time.